Life is transition

June 3, 2016

Do you ever get caught up in a spiral of self-judgment when you feel like you have failed at something? 

I’m going to be honest about something… I have been judging the shit out of myself for about 3 years now about this one thing that I can’t seem to move past.  Three years is a long time to feel like a failure.  Trust me.  I know it sounds like I am being hard on myself but that is exactly what I have been doing and it sucks!  It’s not that I spend every day wallowing around feeling sad and depressed.  But I have been “stuck” in certain areas of my life that are related to this area of “failure.”  I feel like one of those “quote, un-quote” people right now.  Sorry. 

For a couple years following this “failure”, I didn’t really look at this area of my life.  I moved forward in another direction and made excuses for my “failure” that made me feel better in the moment.  Recently this area has been peeking it’s head into my awareness almost every single day.  You know that old saying “when the student is ready, the teacher arrives?”  Well, that is exactly what happened. 

I was in a yoga class last week, the instructor was like a super yogi.  You know, they have tattoos of mandalas, they perfectly describe the little tiny adjustments you can make to your pose, they physically adjust your position, say extremely insightful and life changing things all through class and lets you stay in Shavasana longer that one minute.  I don’t think super yogi is an actual thing but that is my definition.  Anyway, this was my first time in his class and about three minutes into class he said something that blew the top off of my self-judgment about this particular topic.  He said:  Life is Transition.

I have heard this many times before, but I had never REALLY heard it… if that makes sense.  We only hear what we are ready to hear.  Those three words allowed me to see that I didn’t fail, and that I never have failed.  That life is simply a series of transitions to the next place.  It reminds me of the analogy of a rushing river and a standstill pond.  If you can imagine a rushing river, it’s always flowing, it’s full of life and energy.  Now imagine a standstill pond.  There is no movement, there is no life, there is a murky foam that has developed on top and it smells.  Gross.  If we are not moving and growing we are at a standstill.  So instead of looking at your transitions as failures, cherish them as transitions into the next part of you life. 

After I left class I started to notice all the places in my life where I don’t allow myself to transition smoothly.  I seem to have to judge something and make it wrong in order to move forward to the next thing.  It takes the ease and the joy out of life, it adds self-doubt, self-judgment and   suffering to our lives.  Choosing to look at things differently will completely transform anything in life. 

Here are four steps to  help choose your way out of self-judgment:

  1. Take an inventory of your “failures” and write down a list of everything you learned from those experiences.  I seriously can’t tell you value this brought to my life when I realized all the things I learned from my “failures.”  Once you can see how you grew from your experiences, your self-judgment and feelings of being stuck melt away.
  2. Start to create your life from that list.  Each thought we have, creates the next thought.  And each thought creates our experiences.  And those experiences create our life.  Take it from me, I spent a long time thinking about failing, and so I got more failing.  Three years 😉  Shifting the thought of failing into thoughts that I have all this experience created more opportunities for new experiences.  It also created a lack of failure.  Stop feeding the thoughts of  what you don’t want in your life.
  3. Cut out ways to judge yourself.  Self-judgment has a certain energy to it.  It feels heavy and gross.  The only way to shift it is to be aware of when you are doing it.  Write down what you’re thinking about when you feel heavy.  Once I did this… I stopped wearing my smart watch.  I realized that it was just another way for me to judge myself for not being good enough at something.  This will be different for everyone… as we all have different ways we like to torcher ourselves.
  4. Actually apply it to your life and stop Judging yourself.  I have been engaging in this behavior for the majority of the 33 years I have been hanging out on earth.  It’s probably safe to say that the shift might not come over night.  Be patient and make non-judgment a daily practice.

Do you have other ways practice eliminating self-judgment?  Tell me what they are in the comments.  I would love to know!

XO,

Rebecca

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you are way too much

June 1, 2016

Too Much

I was reading Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine the other night, they did a cool series called “Strong Woman Feature” I had to read.  I love hearing strong, successful women share their vulnerabilities.  I think it is so powerful for other women to realize that they don’t have to have their shit 100% together to make a huge difference in the world.  I think we see these amazing women and have a tendency to think that it is so far from what we are, when we hear their stories it’s an inspiration to move forward.  Anyway, the series is very cool. 

Here it is, “Words. Labels. To Make Us Shrink. Comments Meant To Diminish.  To Make Us Small.  To Make Us Feel Shame.  To Disable Us.  We ask these strong, inspiring women:  What have you been called?”  “If we are going to fulfill our big vision and work in the world, we have to stop caring what other people think.  We don’t need validation and external approval.  Our worth has nothing to do with our appearance or popularity.  It’s time to shine, not shrink.”

Women like Danielle LaPorte, Sara Agah, Sarah Deanna, and others share the labels they have been called throughout their lives.  They then share how they feel about it and what they did to overcome those labels. 

Examples:  Too emotional. Too much.  Bossy.  Too sensitive.  Too wild.  Crazy.  Too independent.  Bitch.  Vain. Overly flirty.  Sensitive.  Difficult.  Too fat.  Too skinny.  Slut.

This is just a handful.  Not to sound like an extreme feminist but it did really get my feathers ruffled.  If a woman is assertive and is labeled as BOSSY.  If a man is assertive he is seen as a LEADER.  If a woman is flirty she is a SLUT.  If a man is flirty he is CHARIMING.  If a woman is too wild she is seen as IMPULSIVE.  If a man is too wild he is seen as ADVENTUROUS.  It’s F’d up.

I started to think about all the labels I have been called in my life, lots of them still stick with me.  Too Much.  Bossy.  Impulsive.  Rebellious.  Emotional.  No Personality.  Prude.  Too Sexual.  Bitch.  Mean.  Shy.  Loud.  Vulgar.  Sensitive.

It’s kind of funny.  A lot of these are contradictory which makes it really apparent that they are just other people’s issues reflected onto me.  Anyway, a couple days before I read this article, I was up early one Saturday morning cleaning the house and listening to music and apparently being too happy because my boyfriend told me I was “too much.”  Man, it’s a good thing for him that I have been mediating and practicing yoga lately, because I felt this little flame ignite in my being and I wanted to punch him in the head.  Those two little words have made me minimize myself my entire life and I was pissed that someone who was supposed to have my  back and let me be whatever I want to be was saying those very words to me.  Plus, it’s not like I was standing on the couch in the living room with a megaphone protesting.  I was cleaning… like a good woman.  (I’m kidding!) 

It’s interesting to see how other peoples words shape who we decide to become in the world.  And it is time to take that power back!  

But as I was thinking about it again this morning, there was something that wasn’t sitting right with me about it.  And I realized what it was….

If we are going to demand that respect from the world, the first place to start isn’t protesting to the world what we demand.  It’s being that for ourselves.  It’s stopping all the verbal abuse we place on our bodies.  It’s ending the self-deprecating comments.  It’s not partaking in the “I’m too fat, skinny, ugly, short, tall, etc” behavior that we are all so good at.  It’s walking away from the gossipy conversations about another woman.  It’s being the change we are asking for.

And when you be those changes, those labels will not disappear.  They will increase.  That’s when you are strong, that’s when you are ready to make the choice not to transform into those labels but to rightfully tell those mofos to F off.

Like I said, I wasn’t standing in my living room that morning with a mega phone… I was cleaning, a very common behavior for me.  But there was something different about me.  I was being a different energy.  I made a choice.  I made the choice that my life was going to be different.  That I was going to slow down and find joy in all things.  That I was no longer going to minimize myself, that I was done constantly being so hard on myself.  The energy of being that is far greater shouting your demands through the streets and hoping people will listen. 

XO,

Rebecca

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how a little quote changed my life

May 26, 2016

For obvious reasons I have replaced my nightly glass of wine with a cup of herbal tea before bed.  I rarely read the tea bag wisdom that comes on the end of the string… mostly because by the end of the day the last thing I want to do is think about trying to be a better person.  I have most likely been thinking about that in one form or another since the moment I opened my eyes that morning, and I’m ready to binge watch Netflix until it’s time to go to bed.  However, lately I have been struggling with some areas of my life.  Specifically my romantic relationship and my career.  And since I live and work with my boyfriend, those two areas are pretty prominent  in my life right now.  I won’t get into the details but let’s just say that I have been actively thinking myself into exhaustion about it for the last couple months, pushing for solutions, blaming other people, ruffling feathers, creating waves, jumping to conclusions and all the while managing to be passive aggressive about it all.  I know…..you’re dying to hang out with me.  Anyway, while Netflix was changing from episode nineteen to episode twenty, I happen to glance down at that stupid little string and read the message. 

It read:  Realize that you are always the other person.

Fuck.

You.

Tea.

Bag.

Seriously, I have been trudging through the mud for months and are you are going appear gracefully and subtly out of no where and in eight little words shift my entire reality? 

And that is usually how spirit sends you messages, when you least expect it.  That’s really exactly what happened, it felt like in the blink of an eye I had the awareness of what would change the situation.  The only problem was, it wasn’t necessarily the solution that I wanted.  Why?  Because I had been spending so much time blaming the world for my suffering.  Now, my tail was between my legs.

I zoned out the rest of the show I was watching,  unraveling this insight and talking myself into actually living it.  I was both annoyed and empowered.  I knew that the only person that could give me a hand out of the mud was myself.  And I was also the one that put myself there.  My entire life, including these specific issues with relationship and career were merely a reflection of my thoughts, beliefs, insecurities, dreams, etc.  I am the other person.  I always have been the other person.

Very often in my life, and I think it would be safe to say that I’m not the only one, I will read amazing books, get spiritual insights, read life-changing picture quotes on Instagram…. and that’s as far as it goes.  I shake my head and offer a small smile and then do nothing but continue to live as I have been living.  But that doesn’t really work when we want to improve our situation or make a shift in our life.  I was asking for something in my relationship that I wasn’t willing to give in return.  I knew right there sitting on the couch that I needed to be the person I was asking him to be.  (Don’t tell him that ;))

Later, as I lay in bed that night those eight words stayed with me.  Naturally, I started thinking deeper into that little phrase.  I remembered that I am more than my body and more than my mind.  I remembered this bigger picture, this greater reality that exists beyond my emotions.  I thought about how every person that has showed up in my life has come at a time when that was exactly what I needed, what I wanted to be, or what I thought I deserved.  When I desired adventure and spontaneity, a free spirit, job free person showed up to travel with me and reflect that piece of my being back at me.  A guy who treated me like a POS was a reflection of how I felt about myself at that point in my life.  Once I was ready for stability, a person who offered that was now in my life.  The cool thing, you are also a reflection of them.  It’s both exciting and humbling to remember that there is more to you than what you sometimes think.

 

XO,

Rebecca

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gloriously flawed

May 16, 2016

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It’s been a while since I have written anything.  Actually, it was the day I decided to change the name of my blog from Penrose Place to Gloriously Flawed.  To be completely honest, I love writing, I love blogging, I love creating… but sometimes I let those passions get lost in the desire to have lots of followers and get lots of likes on Instagram or whatever social media outlet.  And that isn’t the point.  So, I wanted to take a step back and reflect on what I really wanted to create, not just want I thought I should create to be “liked” by whoever.  Anyway, the name Gloriously Flawed came to me in a mediation.  I had been giving a lot of thought to who I have been, who I am, and who I am becoming.  And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really liking what I was seeing.  I didn’t want to go into a self-pity judgment party over it.  I just wanted some time to step back and let myself have some space.  I realized some interesting things about myself, how I show up in the world and who I really am.  I realized that I am so hard on myself, it’s hard to breathe sometimes.  I realized that if everything isn’t perfect, I can’t move forward.  I get stuck and go into a self-judgment that often ends in depression.

I still don’t have a 100% grasp on exactly what “Gloriously Flawed” will be or where it will go, but that’s the point.  To let it evolve with me.  To journal my journey and vulnerably share it.  To help me remember that our journeys are not about getting it right but doing things that bring you joy or contentment or peacefulness.  To realize that it’s ok to not be liked by everyone.  And that it’s not the end of the world to eat a cookie or two.  It’s also ok to toot your own horn once in a while.  And to walk away from the people in your life that bring you down.

I want to remind myself and other women that this made up concept of perfection is a killer of creative genius.  It’s the root of self-judgment and self-inflicted pain and suffering.  Sometimes I feel like I am alone but I know I am not.  There are other people who just need the gentle reminder to let go, breathe, laugh, create and not take life so seriously. 

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the art of receiving

March 29, 2016

You know when you have an awareness about something that is pretty life changing?  You know, what Oprah calls the  “ah ha” moment?  I just call it awareness, although, I guess there have been times when I yelled “ah ha” with excitement after having one of these moments.  Anyway, it’s not uncommon, once you experience this, to begin being hyper-aware of this new found wisdom all around you… especially in other people.  Let me explain, a few years ago while on one of my many adventures into personal development, I was exploring certain areas of my life that I was struggling with, or maybe just areas I thought could be improved.  I was using my mind to try and figure out how to work harder, make more money, give more money, find a partner etc., etc.  After completely exhausting myself, I stopped the mental masturbation and just sat back for a moment to rest…. and that’s when it came.  I realized that my problem wasn’t my lack of hard work, philanthropy, or not being lovable enough to find a romantic partner.  My problem was that I was unable to receive. 

Basically, all the things I was asking for in my life were all around me.  But for some reason or another I was turning my head the opposite direction and pretending not to see them… probably so I could continue living in my pool of self-pity.  Don’t judge, it’s familiar and cozy there.

Anyway, in case you’re not sure what I am talking about, here is how it works in a nut shell.  Have you ever heard the phrase “ask and you shall receive”?  You probably have if you have ever read a self-development book, listened to a “guru” or read the bible.  It’s not really a secret as of late, although I don’t think most people know exactly what it means or how to apply it to their lives.  Here is what it means…. ask and you shall receive 🙂

It literally means what it says.  I just wanted to point that out because if you’re anything like me you will take a really easy concept and think about it so much, make it so complicated that it’s impossible to even think about anymore because you are so tired and need to take a nap.

But believe it or not, the Universe wants you to be happy.  There is no karmic contract sent from the heavens that was set in place to make your life on earth a living hell.  And so, if you ask for something, the Universe begins to rearrange itself so that request can come into fruition in some way (sorry, the clouds are not going to shit out a million bucks on your head…bummer). 

Also from this concept comes the phrase, “be careful what you wish for.”  Ever heard that?  That’s because “ask and you shall receive” actually works.  Now that we have covered that, let’s get back to this whole receiving thing.  As we talked about, the Universe wants you to be happy, it also has no polarity, which means it has no judgment, which means if you ask for a pile of shit, that’s what you’re getting.  If you ask for a pile of gold, that’s what you’re getting.  There are two points to keep in mind here:

  1.  Most people don’t ask for anything. 
  2. If they just so happen to, they are unable to receive what they asked for. 

Women are especially prone to not being willing to receive.  It is in their nature to take care of everything and everyone around them.  Which is fine, but when someone tries to do something nice for them or give them a compliment they are all, “oh, I just couldn’t,” “oh this old ugly shirt?”  You know what I mean?  I have a friend who did something nice for me and so I took her to coffee…. she was literally fighting me to pay for her own coffee.  I back handed her.  (Kidding)

So what is the problem with that?  Imagine for a minute, you are standing behind a giant brick wall.  You are on one side, and on the other side is the light of the Universe.  It’s a pretty intense light, it’s the light of everything you are, everything you ever wanted, the light of love and possibilities.  Which is probably why you built that giant brick wall, I mean, especially if you  can’t even receive a cup of coffee.  So, you hear this idea “ask and you shall receive” and you decide to put it to the test.  So you get a piece of paper and write down your question, you make it into a paper airplane and throw it over your wall.  You request is received, the Universe shifts and presents you with your request.   But remember, you are sitting there on the other side of Fort Knox waiting patiently and nothing is happening.  See what I mean?

You have to break down the brick wall you built to protect yourself, so that you can reap the benefits of all the answered requests sitting a few feet from you. 

Here is the kicker, when you decide to take down that wall and open yourself to the possibilities that are available to you, you have to be willing to receive everything.  You can’t just drill little holes in your wall and cross your fingers that only the good stuff flows through, you have to take the whole thing down and receive everything.  Here is what I mean, if you’re going to receive a compliment you have also receive the criticism or judgment.  It sounds scary, but it’s not really.  When you start to break that giant wall down and see the world differently, something else shifts inside you.  You realize that you can receive all things with grace and ease, that judgments and insults don’t matter and they pass through you like it ain’t no thing.  You start to experience the world from a place of joy instead of struggle.  You start to realize that as you are creating your life, you are not alone, the Universe is the co-creator and always has your back.        

Where in you life have you seen this work?  I would love to hear your experiences, comment at the bottom of the post.

______________________________________SHOP THIS LOOK________________________________

Dress, BB Dakota Laine Heavy Crepe Strappy Dress  On SALE!  (this dress is amazing, I also have it in red!)

Shoes, Vince Camuto ‘Sandria’ Peep Toe Ghillie Sandal

Purse, Black Clutch (Similar Version)

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The Body Post (Plus Spring Stripes)

March 25, 2016

I was watching Vice the other night and it was about the country of Mauritania where the women go out into the dessert, often times with their daughters, they sit under tarps and drink nothing but milk and eat these little balls of dough until they throw up.  Well, they do their best not to throw up or to move too much because the entire purpose of this practice is to gain as much weight as possible.  In their culture being heavy is seen as beautiful, so much so that it is hard to find a man to marry if you are not fat.  Basically the bigger the better.  Which is very  interesting to me, considering the culture we live in which is basically the exact opposite.  

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Is your need for validation a set back?

March 23, 2016

Do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder why you are not where you want to be in your life?  I do this a lot.  And don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life.  But I am a dreamer and a seeker, which sounds cool and everything but in reality kind of feels like a constant yearning for something unknown or some dream just out of reach.  I’m always wondering what’s next and I live in a constant state of boredom.  Even when I’m overwhelmed with work and tasks, I still feel bored.  It’s not necessarily the typical way we describe boredom, like not having anything to do, it’s more of an itch that won’t go away.  An itch that is constantly tugging at me no matter how much I ignore it.  It feels like something shoving me to fulfill my life’s purpose and yet I don’t know what exactly that is. 

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What is Consciousness?

March 21, 2016

Consciousness

Consciousness.  This word is thrown around left and right these days.  Conscious living, conscious eating, raising conscious children, having a conscious relationship, etc. etc. etc.  I bet it means different things to different people.  I bet some people use it because they passionately think it will change the world, while others use it on a more superficial level, some use it medically to refer to themselves or others as awake (up and talking) and maybe some people just use it to use it… I probably do that with a few words 🙂

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Spring Florals + Getting out of a Style Rut

March 16, 2016

I have to give the credit for this dress to my mom.  We were wandering around Anthropologie one day and she held it up with a big smile on her face asking me if I liked it.  “No” I promptly replied and started to walk way.  She told me to just try it on.  “Fine.”  And man, was I glad I did.  It’s one of those dresses that just makes me feel amazing when I put it on.  (Probably because it’s silk)  Once I put it on I was frolicking around the dressing room like a little girl on Christmas morning.  It’s flowing, tiered, silk fabric made my day!   

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4 Tools to Change Your Perspective on Self-Doubt

March 15, 2016

 

I was having dinner with my boyfriend this past Friday night and we were discussing something that got me thinking.  He brought up the topic, which is weird because usually I am the one who always takes everything to the deeper side.  Anyway, he said he thought it was interesting  how someone can say something mean about him and it doesn’t phase  him at all.  It’s like he knows it’s not true and so it just rolls off his chest and he goes on with his life.  Me on the other hand, I have a really hard time doing that.  If someone is mean to me, or I hear that someone was talking shit about me, I can’t let it go.  In fact, I think about it a lot.  I still remember mean things people said to me in elementary and high school, and I still think about it now.  The opposite is also true, I’m overly sensitive to other people’s feelings as well.  This isn’t news to me, I am fully aware that I do this.  The thing is, I started to go into self-doubt and judgment for not having a thicker skin.  I thought about all the times I tried to be more extroverted and failed.  I felt myself start to spiral into a hole of self-pity. 

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